BAYWATCH (2017)

Directed By: Seth Gordon 
Written By: Damian Shannon & Mark Swift 
Story By: Jay Scherick, David Ronn, Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant 
Based On the series & Characters Created By: Michael Berk, Douglas Schwartz & Gregory J. Bonann 
Cinematography By: Eric Steelberg 
Editor: Peter S. Elliot 


Cast: Dwayne Johnson, Zac Efron, Priyanka Chopra, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Rohrbach, Ilfenesh Hadera, Jon Bass, Hannibal Buress, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, Rob Huebel, Oscar Nunez, Charlotte McKinney, David Hasselhoff, Pamela Anderson 


In sun-kissed Emerald Bay, the vigorous Lieutenant Mitch Buchannon and Baywatch, his elite team of hand-picked and perfectly tanned lifeguards, protect the bay, keeping both sunbathers and beach lovers safe. However, this summer, two new eager trainees will join the demanding life-saving program, as well as an insubordinate former Olympic swimmer, who are all called to prove their worth on the lifeguard towers just on time when a new synthetic street drug begins to infest the Emerald Bay: the flakka. Without a doubt, this calls for some serious undercover teamwork action, as the badgeless heroes in spandex comb the beach for shady newcomers and nefarious entrepreneurs with hidden agendas of their own. Can Mitch's band save the bay?

When it comes to this film nothing seems inspired. It seems to try to follow the Charlie's' angels remake 90's model. As it feels like more like a 1990's film that would work back then and watching it now feels outdated and just stupid. As the film seems to go overboard in trying to impress the audience. As the action comes off over the top and stupid. As does the comedy where it thinks it’s funny which only exposes how unfunny the film actually is.

I know this is supposed to be based off the cheesy idiotic action series and it strikes some jokes but feels formulaic and worse comes off as tone deaf. Like the show it is also misogynistic. I am not complaint too much as the women are more eye candy and the film makes them look beautiful and amazing. Though other than the villain doesn't really offer the female cast much to work with.

The cast is filled with comedians and comedic actors and still manages to rarely be funny at all as they all seem to be playing it straight and worse the villain is barely in the film. Though always dressed to the nines and sexy. It all seems for nothing. As the film also like the show seems to exhaust the cleavage limit and never shows any nudity even though it has the promise of it especially with the R rating. So it's exploitive without actually going for actual exploitation.

I realize that the film Is made for a certain type of audience. It necessarily for critics, but it feels disrespectful to them. As we weren't expecting much but more than this. More like this was a big budget film where they accepted the first draft of the screenplay and tries to make up for it on the set.

In one scene where Dwayne Johnson is supposed to be saving people from a fire on a boat. The CGI looks fake and horrible. By the end most of the supposed CGI effects are horrible because they continue into the big action finale and the bloopers reveal there is even more just for the simple scenes. It also feels like Dwayne is only in it so that he can be more R rated then he usually gets to be in most films.

As usual it has the chubby guy as more the comic relief though he is only chubby really compared to all the hard bodies throughout the film and on display.

The film feels more stiff, mechanical and planned then It should even with the comedy feeling more like it comes from a variety show. Also Why so many penis jokes? So that this seems like a movie for people who are under the influence or Dwayne Johnson action movie enthusiasts and maybe dude bro's looking less for quality and just to be entertained by something shiny and glossy.

As one minute the film tries to be vulgar then all of a sudden wants to be sweet and cute. Which again then feels more 80's like then 90's. Right down to the audience fantasy where the nerdy guy gets the hottie in the end and is practically at his beck and call. As he has earned it because the movie puts him through the most embarrassing scenes and situations throughout. Almost like a hazing for the actor Jon Bass into the world of blockbuster movies.

The film doesn’t seem to add any effort. It's vain thinking it will get by on the natural charisma of Dwayne Johnson. He too should be ashamed as here again it looks like he barely gives any effort really. It's more like watching him on vacation. As it seems he put more energy in the past into roles such as the box office bomb Hercules then he does here.

The only actual intriguing performance is by Priyanka Chopra as the villain as she plays the role right out of an 80’s action movie, but does it in a sexy manner and dressed to the nines in gorgeous evening dresses,So that she is almost like a bond villain only with a smaller scale plan. But she is also not in the movie enough. So not too much blame can fall on her shoulders.

Look the show wasn’t Shakespeare. It was in fact really bad, but you would think that at least a big screen version would be able to get it right in bathing the film in the ridiculous. Instead it plays like a hyper version of that show and comes off just as disappointing

 Grade: F