Remembering when I saw that ...

I believe it was 1982 and we FINALLY got cable in my neighborhood. Literally, the contractor had to come to my backyard and hook up the cable to our phone pole. This gave me the signal to run to my mom and beg for us to get this wondrous thing called CABLE TV, which I could only enjoy at a friend’s house before my touchstone moment. Mom decided to make an appointment with the cable company that week. I went in to the building with bated breath, knowing this was a gateway into movies around the clock and … and … MTV! Anyway, we got the package that included HBO and Spotlight (which later became the Movie Channel, which later became Starz). And I pushed for Spotlight because they had the exclusive viewing rights (for maybe a month?) to Conan the Barbarian!! HOLY GOD! I’m going to see this … without an adult’s permission!! Two weeks later, I see Conan premiere on a Saturday night. Perfect. And the 2nd film in the Sword & Sorcery double feature? The Sword & the Sorcerer! Yes, even more perfect! Lastly, my mom decided that she and my dad were going out that night and I was babysitting my sister. Is it possible to have ALL of your prayers answered in one night?? When watching barbarians hacking their enemies to pieces, or warrior women disrobing for any medieval reason, the last thing I needed to hear was, “CLOSE YOUR EYES!” or “Should you really be watching this?” With me in charge, these questions would not be asked. So my dad picked us up our favorite fast food cuisine, Taco Bell, and we were set for the evening. Granted, my sister had no idea what she was in store for, but it didn’t matter. It was my night. Once the enchirito was down the hatch and the parents out of sight, the opening credits for Dino Delaurentis, in gold gilded letters appear on the screen after the Spotlight opening bumper (at the time, almost as good as the 20th Century Fox drums). Watching Conan, in this setting, 5 feet away from my family’s 27 inch wood encased tv console, filled with pseudo Mexican fast food, was sheer bliss. For most of the night, I forgot my sister was even in the room! I can say, with all seriousness, this viewing was a religious experience. Maybe I didn’t even BREATHE during this event? But, at 12 years of age, being a barbarian fighter/thief/conqueror seemed like a plausible and much-hoped-for career path. When the Sword and the Sorcerer started, I was coming down off my Crom high, I was treated to the swash-buckling expertise of Lee Horsley and the sneering malevolence of Richard Lynch. RICHARD LYNCH?!?! My thoughts at the time, “This guy is in everything … and he’s always EVIL!” Add to it a naked Kathleen Bellar ass (supposedly a double … but I don’t knooow) and a sword that SHOOTS off its blades … oh man, if it were possible to OD from a good time w/o pharmaceuticals, I would’ve been carted off by the time the credits rolled. The only buzzkill of the evening was getting sick at the rise of the Sorcerer (a pre-Bull Richard Moll) from his tomb of living faces was a sight sick enough to make me rethink my choice of dinner and its staying power in my stomach. And my sister freaked out enough to run from the room, crying. Either way, when my folks came home, I was in a sublime state of mind, which lasted a week … or was it a month? After all these years, I can see it actually lasted a lifetime.