PIRANHA 3DD (2012)

Directed By: John Gulager Written By: Patrick Melton & Marcus Dunstan & Joel Soisson Based On Original Characters Created By: Peter Goldfinger & Josh Stolberg Cinematography By: Alexandre Lehmann Editor: Kirk Morris, Martin Bernfield & Devin C. Lussier Cast: Danielle Panabaker, Matt Bush, Katrina Bowden, David Koechner, Chris Zylka, David Hasselhoff, Christopher Lloyd, Paul Scheer, Gary Busey, Ving Rhames, Clu Gulager Having awoken from their spring break extravaganza at Lake Victoria, the swarm heads upstream where they look to make a meal out of Big Wet, a local water park where when it comes to fun, nobody does it wetter! Though they came to get wet, get loaded and get some, the staff and patrons get more than they bargained for when they must face the fiercest, most bloodthirsty piranhas yet. Lead by the strong-willed, studious Maddy and her friends, Barry and Kyle, the trio must dive in and take on these man-eating creatures using every ounce of their being but can they be stopped? I Really Wanted To enjoy this film, but it seemed to be fighting me through the whole viewing. So much so that I feel like I got a neck cramp from shaking my head at the film most of the time. It tries to be lighthearted that seeks to be a celebration of exploitation that seems to miss the point. Don’t get me wrong this film is pretty bad, the joke of the film seems to be that since it’s a sequel that it tries to keep the tongue in cheek humor of the first film so everything is supposed to be bad or over the top. This film is in bad taste in almost every way. The previous film had a skilled director and it had general thrills. This film is so over the top that almost every scene and lines of dialogue should have a exclamation point and a sound effect. It’s bad but not without entertainment value. Everything is obvious, though I generally tend to like movies like this if it had been made in skilled hands and in the right spirit. This film could have actually been a steady sequel the way it looks now it is almost a ready for syfy quality type film. For all the cameos and surprise appearances this film should be better. It feels like a direct to video sequel and not just because of the low budget. If the scenes had been handled with some skill and subtlety they would actually make a mark. This feels like a film that the only reason for the 3d is to make a buck. It’s a gimmick here as each time it is used it is followed by a heightened music que. The humor is still lowbrow with plenty of nudity and women in bikini’s running in slow motion. There is one scene that I found pretty inventive. It is a sex scene that becomes a horror scene. That was the most creativity I see in the film. The problem is not with the script. I think it Is more the direction. Which is a shame as it is directed by John Gulager of Project Greenlight fame who made the film Feast And it’s two sequels which were written by the same screenwriters of the is film Marcus Dunston and Patrick Melton. (They both wrote many of the SAW movie Sequels) He impressed me with FEAST and It’s Sequel FEAST 2 where as FEAST 3 was inventive it was ultimately disappointing and annoying. He also seems to like to have a trope of killing children violently in films. The films characterization stay pretty much the same from the start to finish. No one really grows if anything the characters become worse with no direction, other then the obvious survival. As the film goes along it always seems off rhythm. It’s almost like going to a resterant/Bar and the food, Décor. Pretty much everything is bad. Then when you finally get the one thing that is impossible to mess up that can make this outing bearable by diluting your system and taking some of the anger away, Help you forget this ordeal . Your drinks, only to find that they are watered down. That is what the experience feels like. What hurts is the fact that your friends recommended the place. The cast can’t be blamed they do well and look good. Though Chris Zylka playing the deputy looks way too young as do most of the cast they would be believable as college students and teenagers but as adults they barely pass. Ving Rhames, Paul Scheer and Christopher Lloyd reprise their roles form the previous films and bring some light into this endeavor but they are hardly used. At least David Hasselhoff seems to be having a blast poking fun at himself and he is likeable. But poor Gary Busey in a cameo that barely has any gravitas to it. He doesn’t get to do anything spectacular. He just seems to be here to say, “isn’t that?” then he’s gone. I know there is supposed to be suspension of disbelief but too many times you sit and wonder why characters make dumb or just baffling decisions. I know he is doing a guest appearance but there seems to be a lot of effort to make David Hasselhoff cool also. Letting him bed and seduce women with relative ease. It stuff lie that which seem unintentional that are actually humorous in this film. Which is a shame since the lead Danielle Panabaker and Matt Bush actually are entertaining leads I just wish they were in a film that better used their chemistry and talents. Especially Bush who I have seen in a bunch of movies that have been better and he has been better in. Half the time the film seems to have a cynical tone, yet elbows you in the ribs trying to make you laugh. Trying to make you laugh with it instead of at it, but most of the time you aren’t laughing. You just stare in amazement. This film could be a future cult classic. It all depends how you take it. Though with the title alone I suspect only Teens looking for boobies whose internet connection is down would be checking out this film. Yes they kill one of the only minority characters off early in the film. The films seems like an off-brand cheap by product of a popular brand. This feels like a knock off though it has all the ingredients they don’t come together in the right way so the formula is diluted and tainted. It’s a shame this could have been a solid B-movie. GRADE: F