Tuesday, August 12, 2014


I can't pretend or even try to put words to others grief. Though I can recognize and understand a universal sense of loss and sadness. The outpouring of emotions from people speaks for itself.
Here I can only speak for myself though I imagine there are similar feelings felt by us all in some way, shape or form.

This is me writing out my grief. I really don't want to write it, but he deserves better then anything I can say or write. This is just my way of dealing with the many emotions felt. --For some entertainers, Testimony is a acknowledgment or hint you can bestow on them like thank you New Edition if not for you my parent never would have dated or thanks Aerosmith if not for you my parents never would have married or Thank you, Sade if not for you I would never have been born. When it comes to Robin Williams It's like the world's greatest uncle died. Because he was the ultimate babysitter growing up his films were usually safe for parent to not have to worry about taking their kids to, but maybe indulge in themselves as when they were young and in their 20's they remember him as the energetic stand-up now as parents here he was entertaining this next generation.

Finding out about his death was like a slap to the face. It stings for awhile, but the pain does go away. The memory of the action remains when someone passes away, you still have the memories, so after the initial shock. You have no choice, but to keep on living. Though the memories still linger heavily in the back of your mind. The memories are even worse when you have constant reminder of the person. That can also bring up the good times. eventually you make peace with those memories. After the initial mourning.

Robin Williams passing has meant a lot. First I must make a personal admission, out of the people in the industry, I have always wanted to enter, He was one of two who encouraged me personally. (Joel Schumacher being the other one) it was such a shock to actually meet him in the first place. It was when I was on a low having been fired by transit then called back to be a cleaner we were in training. When We went to lunch in the cafeteria. There he was getting a certificate to go into the tracks. At first I was scared to approach him as he seemed settled and I didn't want to make a big show or embarrass him. But after much inner debate I went over with my film school book and told him how huge of a fan I was of his work we talked a bit and he asked me if I wanted an autograph and he signed my book saying good luck in the future I can't wait to work with you. That was the kind of guy he was to me. You have to wonder if even the guy who seemed the happiest and energetic can't find peace what chance do we have. Though he also showed us through his work. And always find a version of him in the work he left behind. The fragility of life and the simple pleasures that can be found in it that can be worthwhile and fulfilling. Though now left to wonder who you can turn to cinematically to remind one that everything will be ok. There will be plenty of other tough none quite like him

He also showed us through his performances the gambit of human emotions and what life has to offer, good and bad. Light and dark. I don't pretend to know his demons or problems. Though it is true his passing feels like the death of a friend. Known worldwide he was a man who as he got older always seemed the same age. Many of us growing up with him as our entertainment. He always seemed to have a one liner or ready to play, was always game to challenge himself. Though he tended to be serious time to time on his acting and performances. He was also always ready to have fun. A certain childishness in his heart always. Always willing to challenge himself after all he had To show off that Juilliard training

I am not going to lie and say I enjoyed all of his films. Though I can say i understood why he took each role that he did. He was like a symbol or totem out there that let you know everything was going to be ok, he was comforting.

My personal favorite film of his is THE WORLD ACCORDING TO GARP as that is what introduced me to him. I know him from MORK AND MINDY only before and that movie showed me as an actor he could play opposites. He had range. He brought countless joy and laughter, though too young to really understand the film and its themes. It’s a film I still come back to now and again even if just out of nostalgia. The next film I remember him in is club paradise which I liked as a kid now not so much. I always enjoyed it a bit more when he played against type. WORLD’S GREATEST DAD, ONE HOUR PHOTO, AWAKENINGS, WHAT DREAMS MAY COME, GOOD WILL HUNTING, INSOMNIA even his cameo in SHAKES THE CLOWN, though I won't lie and say I didn't find it fun when he did play to his strengths THE BIRDCAGE, THE FISHER KING, GOOD MORNING VIETNAM even with MRS. DOUBTFIRE

He was a tremendous talent, that you think will always be around and when they are gone. It hits you harder then you expected.

I am stunned yet happy to see the outpouring of love and affection for him. A celebration of his life while stunned into sadness by his death. He wasn’t a friend or a family member, but he felt like one.

He was an institution in comedy seemed like there was nobody faster to catch onto a riff, he usually seemed so excited. You never saw any fear in him.

It feels like a slap to the face as reality slowly dawned on you and ate away at your heart like bacteria.

Every clown has a dark side. As humor often comes from tragedy. Just as tragedy must come from humor. As when you are having a good time and something comes along to harsh the fun. I for one don't want to know about his inner demons or the details of his death. I want to remember him the way I want to, the way I believe he was. I want to hear stories that celebrate his life and generousness. I am sure he wasn't perfect. Who is, but he deserves that amount of respect and so does his family and fans who feel like he was family.

It is said that all the comedy greats seem to go out before their time, but when is the right time? Because we have given ourselves the time to get used to the fact. While we watch them fade away? At their prime when they are at their best and speculate the greatness they would have had? While on the down slope to say they were on their way back in a comeback?

I know I don't really know him and he is just a celebrity and entertainer. Why i feel so deeply for someone you didn't know. Because he make you feel like you did and he was always open about his life. Not his day to day but his past. He always seemed to want to make people happy.

That is why I choose to celebrate him. For a man who bright me years of entertainment and made me feel like something, and that my dream could come true if even for a moment. I at least owe him some words and a certain celebration.

As a person who has struggled with depression. What his untimely exit has proven is that you should live life to the fullest, by the seat of your pants take chances. Try to bring happiness and joy to those around you and as many as you can. Fight to live life it’s the only one you have.

Try to stop wallowing in the darkness spend time in the light it’s crowded but set up you own little space and get to know your neighbors out there.

You never know how your life affects so many others even if you don’t view yours as much, you’d be shocked at how many others you affect with your absence, Plus you don’t hurt yourself when you do physically hurt yourself, you hurt your family, your loved ones. The ones who mean the most. The ones you swear to protect are the ones who end up hurting the most. Hold them close as you can and remind them how much you love them, show them you care as often as you can.

Depression can be like Hulk Hogan during a wrestling match, takes a beating but decides at a certain point no matter how hard or devastating the hurt he refuses to give into the pain. Even if it’s just momentum and fight back against it, gaining strength to combat and eventually defeat. Get help, Talk to someone.

I know it’s not easy it might even be a struggle, but look at the rewards. They feel even better if they’re earned

In Mr. Williams honor if you can find that long lost person you haven’t spoken to tell them they mean something even if it’s just you checking in with them, let them know they mean or meant something to you and they are important. Even if jut for being who they are.

Dark days ahead, but eventually will see the light. His legacy will help.

I hope we never have to travel or visit this place again. I know it’s na├»ve to, but certainly wish for it never to happen again

I hope he finds peace and happiness on the other side that he brought to so many in this one.

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